Oli, it's time to write this now, it's not exactly going to get easier is it? So, when I found out 2 months ago that you had passed, it shocked me to my core and I was very tearful every time I thought about you. I would cry walking down the street especially... trying to make sense of what had happened. It still feels difficult and it doesn't sit right with me, knowing that I won't see you again in this lifetime. I always thought, sometime in the future when we're older and wiser, we'd meet up with our kids and reminisce about the past (and make peace with the not-so-great bits too) and that we'd be in each other's lives till we were old. And yet my heart feels your presence and I see and hear your name EVERYWHERE! The first time this happened I was sitting on a bus, having a conversation with you and you were answering me back but then I started to question if it really was you talking and not just me having a conversation with myself. So I asked to be shown a sign - if it was you and I wasn't going mad or having delusions - show me something right now to prove it! In that exact moment the bus was turning and my eye caught a large restaurant sign, it read 'Jamie OLIVER's Recipease' And so I write this with a heavy and light heart.. I love you, I miss you and do you remember the line from that Erykah Badu song, you know the one..that now poignant line where she sings 'I guess I'll see you next lifetime.. I guess I will now'.. My deepest condolences go out to your family, I am so sorry for your loss - especially Antonia, I'm thinking of you. Rest in Peace my friend, gone too soon but always loved and always remembered.